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I’m going to try to say SURE! more often!
Thursday, September 01, 2016 7:58 PM
I want to be MORE of a positive player on my team, to my family, to my company, to my friends. HOW can I do this? I’m going to try a new trick!
I‘m part of a fantastic and hugely supportive team at work. Sometimes, unfortunately, I feel like I’m not giving back what I should. I can’t help but feel like I’m still the FNG (translation…uh…NSFW). Maybe it’s just my “radar” going a bit haywire? Maybe it’s my wrong perception, maybe I’m reading signals wrong, or maybe it’s just all in my head? But I want to give back more. I don’t want to be the “Negative Ninny.” I don’t want to be the person in the meeting finding all the faults in everyone’s brainstorming ideas. I want to be the supportive, positive one. My family and my team at work are all so supportive.
In the past, I’ve read blogs, magazines, newspaper articles talking about “find ways to say YES!” I’ve tried that, but my primary instinct, unfortunately, is to try to find problems, dangers, “hiccups” or “gotchas!” That usually translates to a big, fat, boring and very negative, NO!
SO! How to change that? I’m going to try something out! Instead of FIGHTING the “no” instinct with yes, I’m going to work around it! I’m going to try “SURE!”
What’s the big deal, it’s just a word. Right? Well, in my head, it’s something that’s different from “no.” SURE puts “you and me” together as a team. I like teams! I played hockey, soccer, lacrosse, rugby, team sports most of my life. I like teams, we all succeed or we all fail together. But most importantly, we’re together, a team, as one! I can do THAT! I can back you while I know you can back me! I always talk about how “NOBODY touches my goalie!” Into my adult hockey, ANYONE touching my goalie…well, there are a few NSFW stories there too.
I’m not sure how it’ll work out? I’m going to try it out though. I tried it recently and I felt better reacting to my family and tried a couple times this week at work. I’ll report back here later. Until then, time to grab a coffee and get coding!
Google: Search for “psychology find way to say yes kids children”
2 comment(s) so far...
By Melanie on
Friday, September 02, 2016 8:18 AM
Re: I’m going to try to say SURE! more often!
Hey, finally something I can comment on!
A couple ideas for you. It might be interesting for you team to get some personality profiling done. It sounds really tree huggy to hard core techies but it helps to know yourself better and why you work really well with some people and clash with others (typically the ones with opposite personality types from you). I like DiSC because it's fairly simple and you can do a quick version for free online, or you can go all out and pay somebody to administer the questionnaires and give you training. I haven't seen a team who did it think that it was stupid.
The thing about you thinking that you look for ways to say no or look for problems is that teams actually need those people. Somebody needs to identify potential problems to stop the team from wasting time. Sometimes, it's all in the delivery. You can say "yes (or sure if you prefer), AND, what about ". This shows that you're willing to go along with the team and expresses your concern and allows other people to have input to address it. As opposed to saying "no" or "yeah, but here's all the problems."
For kids, I recommend How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk and the teenager equivalent of that book. The books are older but still relevant and easy to read (I finished the teenage one in a couple of hours). Some of the techniques seem cheesy but they do work.
Also, I thought you should know, I typed all of this on my phone. Because I'm crazy.
By Peter Henry on
Monday, April 10, 2017 2:21 PM
Re: I’m going to try to say SURE! more often!
Hi Melanie, I'm sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I just started getting emails again from posts. This one fell through the cracks, I'm sorry. But I'm reading it now!
I read your comments and will certainly think about this overnight! I like the book recommendations, certainly could help me out! I understand that teams need a "type" of person to identify potential problems, you're right, I just don't really want to be that person. Maybe I am though? Maybe I just play that role better? But I would like to be the enthusiastic, passionate one. We'll see. But you DO suggest a better framing (..and what about...) I like that. Thank you for suggesting.
re typing on your phone
Sure, but what about waiting until you get back to your laptop? DOH! See what I did there? Fancy eh? :> haha
Ok, ok, I jest. But I DO want you to know I did read your posting (late but not never) and I DO appreciate your feedback. Thank you so much!